rejection...but not mine!

Daniel called me Saturday. Michigan State University turned down his application. He called not only to inform me of this, but to brainstorm ideas and get my opinion on how to proceed. In other words, he hasn't given up hope! The tone of his voice was light and eager: If I hadn't heard him say the contrary, I would've thought he'd been accepted!
It broke my heart to realize he was experiencing this rejection and I couldn't take it from him. I'm starting to see that this will last my lifetime-feeling pain for my children and wanting to carry it for them. They'll be 60 years old-I'll be in a bungalow with my cats and paint brushes- and I'll still want to pull their pain and disappointment from them and carry it myself!
Yet, Daniel is proving beautifully resilient and quite fine without my arms to carry him~
Perhaps this resilience and positive, forward looking mentality is my carrying him. If we are to look at our children and assess from where personality traits are born, Daniel's positive attitude would be attributed to my gene pool. His ability to look through loss to opportunity is grown from the Baldwin part of his brain power! So in this perhaps I can say I am carrying his pain-helping him to move through the disappointment. Some of the best things in my life have grown from loss and rejection. They have not ended in the pain of them, they've thrived in the potential they create for growth in new opportunities.
And now it's time for my children to make these realizations and grow from their own pain. I pray I have been the model in which they can identify peace and opportunity in their difficulties. Even a little excitement in it; knowing that the rejection is just making room for something bigger. As it has been for me. Always look forward Daniel! in love. trish
earth is crammed with heaven.

lettering

Brian's football banquet was last Tuesday night. I got report of it the next morning via a text. Hurray and congratulations are in order as he lettered-and even more wonderful, was awarded 'most improved player' by his peers. What a blessing~
I will extol the greatness of this achievement to him when I call this weekend. He will poo poo it and make it seem it is no big deal. But it is~he moved to Michigan with the primary intent of growing his football career so that it might take him to MSU-maybe even on a scholarship ride. So, he is doing amazing things. And he deserves the kudos coming his way! So, kudos my baby! Enjoy the spot light and keep up the great work :)
And to me? All you mothers out there, can you feel what this did to me? Bittersweet, aching heart, fighting back tears of pride and longing. Yea, something like that......!
I never made it out to a game; life just happens sometimes. I don't have any anxiety or disappointment in this~I got to see some great photos-thanks to Daniel!-and heard the results of the game each weekend. I trust that he is thriving in his life there due to these achievements and recognitions-that and the grades I get updates on via teachers' emails! :) Yet, sometimes that's a lot of trust for a mom to put out there and rely on solely. I get caught in the pain of it and feel myself gripping and clenching the ache for him when events like the banquet occur. It can hold me for hours; sometimes for days. This one kept me clenched for a day. Okay, a day and a half. :) I think I've let it go completely now, but boy it socked me at the onset!
Bottom line though, I let it go. Did I just resign myself to it and say 'oh well that's how it goes' and move on? Did I lie in bed and feel sorry for myself over what I have lost in this? Did I weep in anguish from the heart pain of wanting to hold him?! (okay, I did a bit of that :)
No. I relaxed. I turned to listen~To my heart. To my soul. To my insticts. No more listening to my mind. It is the evil stepsister of joy and happiness! I went quiet and listened; gave thanks for what I have, sent praise up for all that the boys are achieving, looked for the lesson and the grace of accepting things just as they are. Life moves much more easily when I get quiet and listen this way, I've found. I can not control what comes and goes; what happens and doesn't happen-not in my life and most assuredly not in my children's lives. I guess you can see that while I definitely have feelings of loss, pain and still sometimes want to grippingly control things, in the end (and thankfully each 'end' comes more and more rapidly now a days!) I can let these feelings go and rest in the peace of knowing someone better, much, much better, is taking care of my children. Is taking care of me. Is setting the stage and building the foundation for things beyond today and today's pain. I can let it go and trust, love and jump into life~and have faith that my children are jumping in as well. in love. trish.

baptism

I was baptized this past weekend. I never expected to say that in my lifetime. Even a year ago, when I sensed I was moving along a more spiritual path and looking back, could see that I was coming up against undeniable needs for this growth, I wouldn't have predicted baptism in my future.
I was raised in the Catholic church. CCD once a week, regular confession, the memorized routine of it. To this I was baptized as an infant. Without question I followed this design because it was what I was born into and what one just did. Many embace this church but it never spoke to me. I did not find God in the Catholic church.

A few years ago I began to see that I was doing everything in my life as if I were a lemming: No thought-just forward motion, one foot in front of the other where ever the person leading me chose. My years, months, weeks, days and hours were managed by the laws of 'supposed to' and 'shoulds' of someone else's design. The choices I was making were solely based on the rightness of them by society, institution and spoken and unspoken familial expectations. I locked myself into such a routine of preset rules and guidelines that I could no longer feel the warm spark of my God given passion and intuition. There was nary a whisper of the voice within that would guide me more surely than any external force along my unique path. The ability to listen, or to hear, was squelched for many reasons-the choice to retune the dials to my own frequency was my own obligation.
While this retune is not to me credited alone, situations and forces stronger than my own will would not let me mute the station any longer; I had to make the choice to hear the song.
So I began to listen. I chose to begin to listen. Huge, life altering changes took place that I couldn't have predicted as I began walking to my own tune. And not just once at the get go did this happen, but several times~each change bringing me closer, deeper and more trustingly in tune to what is for me in this life.
And the latest of these changes was to be pulled to God. No, make that yanked-square in your face-see what is here waiting for you-slammed up side the head-pulled to God. I got baptized. It started with a small creeping in of spirituality. A denial, really, that what I was searching for was God based. I looked to the universe; to yoga and meditation and women's groups. I opened books on all kinds of spiritual paths seeking a connection that would call to my heart. But I wasn't finding it. I needed to break apart just a little bit more for my spirit to let my real need speak and find a resting place.
And so this summer I broke. I didn't know it at the time; didn't completely recognize all that was happening to me as it happened. But I definitely broke. And on the other side of that breaking, God waited. A desperate, connected, faithfilled trusting comfort waited. A tune I'd never been able to hear before was playing. I jumped in. If you ask my sister, I tend to do that-jump in. There is no dipping the toe in to test the water, slowly stepping down into the depth-no I jump. And now, I've jumped into this pond. This healthy, honest, true to myself pond. One that is opening doors, filling in question marks and throwing opportunities into my sites. The water is just right. I'm going to stay and swim here for a lifetime or so. Hang out and come along for the ride!~in love. trish.

random images from my life

in love. trish.

sammies for dinner rock!

My sister made this for her family and came away drooling. If my brother in law liked it, I figured I should give it a try! :) Except for missing the step of adding balsamic vinegar to the tomatoes, which would've caramelized them in the oven-yum!-it was scrumptious! My dinner guest and I agreed it was a do over~in love. trish.

Hearty Chicken Sandwiches with Roasted Cherry Tomatoes

4C chicken shredded from a rotisserie or roast chicken

1 T+2 t olive oil

2C halved cherry tomatoes

2 T + 1 t balsamic vinegar

1T chopped fresh thyme

1/4 c low fat mayo

1 T whole grain dijon mustard

1 clove garlic, minced (i roasted mine first-yummier!)

2 C lightly packed baby spinach

6 focaccia rolls (couldn't find any in time-used sub buns :)

3 oz brie, at room temperature and sliced

Heat 1 T olive oil in skillet and add tomatoes. Cook until they begin to soften; 4 minutes. Remove from heat and add 2T vinegar. Sprinkle with thyme and salt and pepper to taste. Put into 3oo degree oven and roast until aromatic-15 minutes. Remove from oven and cover in foil to keep warm.

Meanwhile combine mayo, mustard and garlic in a small bowl. In a large bowl whisk 2 t olive oil, 1 t vinegar and salt and pepper to taste. Add the spinach and toss gently to coat.

Preheat the broiler. Spilt the rolls and place them on a baking sheet-cut side up. Brush with olive oil and place under broiler until toasted, about 2 minutes.

Assembly:

Spread mayo mixture over cut sides of focaccia. Arrange brie on one bottom half of each roll. Top with chicken. Toss tomatoes into spinach and scoop onto chicken. Replace top half and serve with some luscious wine~and napkins!

why the heck I'm commiting to this crazy passion!

A workshop participant approached me recently during a lull in teaching and wax splashing. She calmly sidled up next to me, spoke gently and, darn it, with a bit of reverence-blow me down! I can't restate exactly what she said because I quite simply can't remember the exact verbage. This is not due to the time elapsed since then but because it took me by such surprise-her words left me standing with mouth agape and stunned in silence-the context of it flew through me and on out the door because of my inability to accept what she was saying as applying to me. Little 'ol me!!!!

Her exclaimation went something like this: 'Trish, I have to tell you how amazing it is to be here in this workshop with the person whom I've been learning from through your book, for the past six months.'

I felt the goosebumps she was expressing and started to wear them myself:) What a joy. What an amazing thing to be able to do for someone else. Wow. I can't wait to get at passing on my 'stuff ' more and more and more! And, getting better at doing it every time~

in love. trish

wagner encaustic

I was given the opportunity to test out some luscious encaustic colors this past month!

What fun I've been having with Wagner Encaustics http://wagnerencaustics.com/~

I delved into the rich colors ready to not like them; ready to reject them as second best to R&F Paints (www.rfpaints.com) and Encausticos (www.fineartstore.com) scrumptiously pigmented colors and blends. Surprise! Elise Wagner, the force behind Wagner Encaustics, has created a superior product. It's consistency, deep pigmentation and diverse color selection rival those of the big guys and stand to hold a firm ground in the rapidly growing market of encaustic products and producers. I know I for one will place it on my favorites line up when introducing new practitioners to the beauty of encaustic~in love. trish.